Christie and Ernest have been married for 12 years. They have their ups and downs like any couple, but for the most part, their relationship has been strong. Christie is a smart, intuitive woman who works as a secretary in a law office. She’s been there for six years and, if life had taken a different turn, she could have easily been an attorney herself.

Ernest, on the other hand, is a proud, old-school kind of guy. A construction foreman by trade, he’s always been the type to handle things on his own, but when he found himself disciplined at work for something his friend did, he turned to Christie for advice. With the legal knowledge she had picked up on her job, Christie was confident they had a solid game plan. They could get through this.

A union hearing was scheduled, and Christie used the advice from the attorney she worked with to create a strategy that would clear Ernest’s name. She explained everything to him, step-by-step, and he agreed to follow it. But when the day of the hearing arrived, Ernest couldn’t help himself. He decided in that moment to abandon all their careful plans. He believed that Christie just didn’t know the guys involved, and he convinced himself that he knew best. As the hearing progressed, Ernest became increasingly confused, failed to present a clear case, and ultimately, the outcome was as Christie had feared: he lost his job.

Now, weeks later, Christie can’t seem to move past the anger she feels. How could he have been so stubborn, so unwilling to trust her? After all they’d been through together, after all the effort she’d put into helping him, why couldn’t he listen?

Sometimes, forgiveness isn’t easy, especially when we feel wronged or betrayed by those closest to us. Christie’s struggle is something many of us can relate to. We’ve all been in situations where we’ve tried to help, only to watch the people we love make choices that hurt us or themselves. And in moments like these, we’re left with a choice to either forgive or to continue to harbor anger and bitterness.

In Matthew 18:21-22 (NLT), Jesus Christ teaches us about the importance of forgiveness through his dialogue with Peter, his disciple: “Then Peter came to him and asked, ‘Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?’ ‘No, not seven times,’ Jesus replied, ‘but seventy times seven!’” Forgiveness isn’t just a one-time act; it’s a continual choice. And when forgiveness doesn’t come easy, it’s even more important to lean into the strength of God’s grace to help us release the anger and bitterness we feel.

Refusing to forgive means that we are choosing to hold onto bitterness and resentment. It places a heavy weight on our hearts, and this impacts every aspect of our lives. Anger, bitterness, and resentment can build up, slowly hardening our hearts over time. Instead of finding peace, we’re left in a state of constant tension, replaying the hurt over and over in our minds. This can cause us to pull away from others, shutting ourselves off from love, and kindness.

Jesus makes it clear that forgiveness is not just a suggestion but a command, and our obedience to it reflects our relationship with him. He teaches us in Matthew 6:15 (NLT), “But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.” This simple and impactful verse tells us all we need to know about how our Heavenly Father views forgiveness. When we hold onto unforgiveness, we create a barrier between ourselves and God, preventing His grace and forgiveness from flowing freely into our lives. It’s not about our feelings or what the other person has done against us, it’s about the state of our own hearts and our relationship with God. Forgiveness isn’t always easy, but God requires that we forgive others. We must be obedient to Him and humble ourselves so that we demonstrate our commitment to the example of Jesus Christ.

Sometimes, to forgive someone takes time, but we must be completely aware that forgiving them is the goal. Colossians 3:15 (NLT) tells us, “And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body, you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.” We are encouraged to let Christ’s peace govern our hearts, so that our faith is strong and our hearts are filled with gratitude. If it seems that we can’t let a situation go, we must invite the indwelling Holy Spirit to help and guide us in our struggle to forgive. We need to pray often and ask the Spirit to do a work in our hearts so that we can fully embrace God’s peace.

Christie is wrestling with her hurt, but she also knows that forgiveness is the way forward, even if it’s not easy. Like Christie, we all face moments when forgiveness is the hardest thing to offer, but it’s during those moments that God calls us to be like Him. When we choose to forgive, we open the door to His grace and allow His love to soften our hearts, freeing us from the chains of anger, resentment, and bitterness. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“When Forgiveness Doesn’t Come Easy”, written for Springfield Fellowship © 2024. All rights reserved. All praise and honor to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.