Is This Relationship Helping You Grow Closer to Jesus…or Pulling You Further Away?

Relationships are a gift from our Heavenly Father. They capture our hearts in ways we could never have imagined. When someone makes us laugh, when they listen to us, and they remember those little things that are really special to us—it makes us feel seen and valued. If those meaningful boxes are checked, it’s easy to believe we’ve found exactly what we’ve been praying for. Those feelings are real, and they’re a beautiful part of how God designed us. But we can’t forget that feelings alone have never been God’s measuring stick for whether a relationship is healthy.

As believers, we’re called to evaluate our relationships through a different lens. Of course, being happy in a relationship is important, but not as important as our spiritual growth in Jesus Christ.  So when we’re asking ourselves, “Does this person make me happy?” we should also ask, “Is this relationship helping me know Jesus Christ better?” Every relationship is shaping something inside us. It’s influencing our thoughts, our priorities, our decisions, and ultimately the direction of our hearts. Whether we realize it or not, every relationship is either drawing us closer to Christ or slowly pulling our attention somewhere else. That’s why it’s so important to pause every now and then, especially before we dive in heart first, and honestly ask where this relationship is leading us.

Christ Must Remain First

Matthew 6:33 (NLT) is such an impactful scripture to our relationship with God because in it, Jesus Christ tells us where our priorities belong: “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need.” We can’t afford to underestimate the heft of what our Lord and Savior is revealing.

Whether we realize it or not, our hearts are a little like storage containers. What we believe, love, desire, fear, remember, treasure, trust, and worship are stored there. The heart tells the story about our motives, convictions, emotions, and most importantly, how we’re trusting and honoring God and His Word. In Luke 6:45 (NLT), Jesus Christ said it this way, “A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart.” And make no mistake, our Heavenly Father can see everything that is within them.  

In Mark 12:30 (NLT), Jesus tells us how we’re to love our Heavenly Father. He said, “And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.” There’s no question that God is meant to be the center of our lives. Every dream, every decision, every friendship, and every relationship should revolve around Him—not the other way around. When someone begins occupying the place that belongs to God alone, we’ve allowed the relationship to become something God never intended it to be.

A Christ-centered relationship won’t compete with your walk with God. It won’t make you feel guilty for spending time in prayer or reading your Bible. It won’t resent your commitment to church or encourage you to compromise your convictions. Instead, it will cheer you on. It will celebrate your spiritual growth, encourage your obedience, and remind you that your greatest relationship has always been with Jesus Christ. The right person won’t ask you to hand them the place in your heart that belongs only to your Savior.

What Is This Relationship Producing?

One of the easiest ways to evaluate a relationship is to stop focusing on how it feels and start paying attention to what it produces. Feelings can rise and fall with circumstances, but fruit tells the real story. A healthy relationship should make it easier—not harder—to become the person God is shaping you to be.

In Galatians 5:22–23 (NLT), the Bible describes the fruit God’s Spirit produces in our lives: “But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!”

Take an honest look at your heart. Are you becoming more patient, more gracious, and more self-controlled? Is your desire to pray growing stronger? Do you find yourself trusting God more? Or have you noticed something different? Maybe your Bible stays closed more often than it used to. Maybe prayer has become an afterthought because your emotional energy is wrapped up in someone else’s approval. Sometimes we’re so afraid of losing a relationship that we slowly lose sight of ourselves spiritually. We begin overlooking compromises we once would have recognized immediately. That’s why it’s so important to pay attention to the fruit. Fruit doesn’t lie.

Love Should Never Pull You Away From Christ

Real love will never ask you to choose between pleasing someone and obeying God. It won’t pressure you to ignore biblical wisdom or convince you that “just this once” won’t matter. Genuine love encourages holiness because it wants God’s very best for the other person.

If a relationship consistently pulls you away from God’s presence instead of toward it, that’s something to prayerfully examine. Love should make it easier to draw near to Christ, not harder. Anyone who truly loves you should want to see your faith deepen, your character mature, and your relationship with Jesus grow stronger. That’s the kind of love that reflects the heart of God.

The Best Relationships Draw Both People Closer to Jesus Christ

God’s desire has never been simply to help us find someone to love. His greater desire is that every relationship reflects His character and points us toward His Son. A relationship centered on Christ becomes a place where both people encourage one another to pray, trust God, obey His Word, extend grace, and continue growing spiritually. Instead of competing for first place in each other’s hearts, they gladly leave that place for Jesus Christ.

If you’re in a relationship today, don’t be afraid to ask the hard question: Is this relationship making me look more like Jesus? That’s one of the healthiest questions you can ask because the answer reaches far beyond romance. The best relationships don’t simply make life more enjoyable—they help prepare us for eternity. When two people keep pursuing Jesus Christ above everything else, they don’t have to wonder whether they’re moving in the right direction. They’re walking the same road, following the same Savior, and growing closer to Him together every step of the way. ■

Holy Bible, New Living Translation copyright © 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

“Is This Relationship Drawing You Closer to Christ”, written for Springfield Fellowship © 2026. All rights reserved. All praise and honor to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.